Being a person who craves freedom as much as oxygen,for survival, I was always wary on seeing relationships where the guy or girl is too clingy or possessive or controlling. I couldn’t imagine the lives of people in such relations and often ruminated what pleasure they derived from this servitude. I want the freedom to talk to whomever I want, go wherever I want, wear whatever I want… well you get the idea. 

I have quite often lend an ear to the unending complaints of my friends about how their partners are controlling and overly jealous, about almost everything. So I always viewed possessiveness as my nemesis. I decided that upon the sight of possessiveness from anyone, I would draw my sword out!

When Mr.K came along, I openly told him that I’m fatally allergic to this particular attribute in men(and women). He is someone who derives absolute joy from protecting me and loves to show the world that I’m his. Initially, I used to be worried about such expressive moments, thanks to unfailing pessimism and paranoid thoughts. But eventually I realised that possessiveness can be beautiful. It felt good to see fleeting moments of jealousy and the evident(to me) showers of love and care when someone else gave me more attention. It merely showed his affection and I began reciprocating the same. Controlling is what is ugly. We often confuse ourselves with the two. 

When in a relationship, we should identify clearly if its healthy possessiveness or outright controlling. The latter can destroy your relationship in a matter of months, unless you are the submissive type (I don’t know how Anastasia Steele pulled it off in Fifty Shades. For me, that is pure torture – pun intended). 

Initially, during the honeymoon phase controlling and possessiveness can seem one and the same. All of us give the excuse -“It’s because he/she loves me too much!“. This may or may not be the case. If controlling is the case, once the honeymoon phase is over, you might stop feeling like yourself because you are doing everything in his/her way. You have stopped doing what comes naturally to you and you’ll eventually see a stranger in the mirror. So during the initial days of knowing each other, understand this and talk it out/back out if it’s not your cup of tea, to avoid heartbreaks in future.

You should love the individual as he or she is. Controlling is slow poison. You will kill him/her and eventually the relationship too.

Written in response to Daily Prompt – Ruminate

Picture courtesy : Pinterest

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