All of it happens in a matter of minutes. Within that tiny space of time, your whole world doubles in size. The sheer number of family members, relatives and ‘opinion donors’ just multiplies out of control and you will be smilimg away at the photographers while this happens, happily unaware of this sudden shift in your universe. Whoever who said ‘the more, the merrier’ was just messing with us, probably laughing at us from above.
Even before getting married I have often wondered about the attractiveness of the concept of living together. Unfortunately, having been born into an upper middle-class family that happens to be located in a conservative state which also happens to be in a country that’s growing to be more narrow-minded with each passing day, one does not have the liberty to explore their options. Unless of course, you are willing to endure the guilt of hurting your family, even for a short while. I am sadly, quite faint-hearted.
Most prefer living together with their partners as it does not legally bind you with anyone. They don’t require the institution of marriage to validate the genuinity and sustenance of their relationships. I admire that. This can only be pulled off by the most emotionally secure people. If you got someone who thinks likewise, you should definitely give it a go. Why is marriage necessary to share lives together?
But what attracts me is not any of that. It is the fact that one can be as involved as you want to be if you are not married. You love that person inside out and want to be with him. That’s all you want. For people whose dream ends there, marriage is a huge task. This happens because where I come from, you marry not just the groom,you marry the whole set of family members, relatives and other long, lost relatives who pop in and out of your life, whose names you wont get a chance to learn till the day you die. Expectations will take a toll on you. Obligations will be running at you with a knife at every possible moment and you just can’t escape. It is a vicious cycle. It is not about you and him. It is never about just the two of you and your choices. Just the thought of all of it is exhausting. But hey, that’s just me. My emotional range is that of a teaspoon.
I never wanted to live abroad. I always wanted to visit foreign lands and explore the unknown, but I always wanted to come back home at the end of it all. But now I realise how lucky the people who have gone abroad are. Like I said, since living together is not an option for the weak-hearted, the next best option is to go abroad. That’s again an escape from all of the madness. You can be as involved as you want to be. No one expects you to do anything as you are not here. I understand it is escapism, but, whatever works! It’s all very complicated for a private person who wishes for a private life, for a person who dreams of a small world. It may work well in the western part of the world, but not here.Here I find the quote in Grey’s Anatomy very apt, “The carousel never stops turning…”. Once you are in, you are in. It’s a whirlpool, a rat race.
So the institution of marriage is not everyone’s cup of tea. I dream of the day everyone feels more comfortable taking bolder decisions. I hope to witness the change that’s already brewing here and there. Even if it makes no difference to me, I still hope. I would admire the ones who find the courage to break free from all the societal norms and ancient rules because 90% of the time it is you alone that’s holding yourself back from doing things.
For those who have the spirit of individuality burning stronger than ever, for those who find the courage to define their own rules, I would always be there to cheer them on. I would look at them and hope that someday I too shall break free of the notions and expectations that weigh upon my head.